I know this is long, it’s important. PLEASE READ.
How many know this guy….
He’s kind, he goes above and beyond to dote on you and make you feel special. It’s like he knows all the right things to say. How does this guy know you so well, when you’ve just met and, yet he is saying everything you’ve always thought…or almost everything? Sure, there are a few things that don’t seem right, but…but, everything else! OMG is thinks I am so special he wants to spend all his time with me! He wants to go with you everywhere! It’s like a dream come true. Right?
On this last day of October, I thought I’d use it to bring awareness one more time during Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Many people think DV is a physical act, well it’s not always. DV can be everything from physical to emotional, mental, financial, manipulative and more. Manipulation is where a lot of DV relationships begin and many don’t even realize it’s happening.
I’ve heard so many women say, “he doesn’t hit me”. Someone doesn’t have to hit you to be abusive. Abuse is not always physical. Let me say that again ABUSE IS NOT ALWAYS PHYSICAL.
So that guy, there’s a few things that bother you, but you think the good outweighs the bad, right? So, you ignore that feeling of somethings not right and you forgive him and continue. A few days or weeks later, something else pops up and you think to yourself “that’s strange” and you don’t like it, but he apologizes, and he says that he doesn’t know what came over him and it’s not who he is and he’s sorry. You forgive him. And this goes on. He’s not good to your friends, in fact, maybe you don’t see them much anymore. And soon, you realize you haven’t really sat down, talked to, or maybe even seen your family for a long time. There’s also secrets going on, you don’t know what they are, but you can feel it. He always has a reason of why he’s not working, who he’s talking to, what he’s doing, why his car isn’t working and more.
This is what an abuser does. They enter your life and they are the most wonderful things you’ve ever experienced. This lasts for a while and you feel like WOW, I can’t believe this is happening to me! Then something happens to push them, and they snap. Maybe your friend stood up and finally said what they had been feeling. Suddenly, he makes this friend into an enemy saying they don’t care about you, they don’t know what’s best for you. Isolation is another trait. Does it seem like your family gets angry every time he’s around? Isolation is another trait. Yes, I said that twice. They slowly isolate you from your friends and family. Soon, they are all you have.
Again, there’s some things that bother you. But…. all your friends, where are they? You haven’t talked to them in weeks, maybe months and now that you want someone to talk to, maybe they don’t reach back out, because he’s done such a good job of insulting them, being mean to them and they don’t realize you need help. Or, maybe you realize that this isn’t a good situation and your friends and family were right. Now what do you do? Rather than suffer what you think might be humiliation, you stay silent and the behavior continues. I promise you, if you call a friend or family member and say simply “I need help” I cannot imagine anyone who would turn someone down….no matter what happened.
I’ll finish up, I hope you’re still reading. If you are the friend or family member of someone that you feel something isn’t right, or you have firm evidence of such, do not…I repeat DO NOT put your loved one of the defense. It is the worst thing you can do. It will only suffice in pushing them closer to the person who they are in danger from. Be there for them, embrace them and keep them close. Let them know you love them and that you will be there for them ANYTIME ANYWHERE. And…when that call comes, you MUST be there, no matter the time or place. Because if you let them down when they need you most, they might not reach out again.
I’m happy to share more for anyone who wishes to discuss.
On a final note, you know I must push my Annual Underwear Drive. Please take a moment and purchase a package of underwear for the women and children in our local domestic violence shelter. Did you think twice about not having a pair of underwear this morning when you put yours on? No, other than maybe picking out a color, it was just what you do. Imagine not having that option. More information here: http://www.robbynackner.com/about/mission-vision/underwear-drive/
Love Shouldn’t Hurt