Suicide, it’s the choice of some people as the answer to end their personal pain. But I’m here to tell you that while yes, it may end what you are going through right this moment, I’m also here to tell you that what you are going through right this moment will not last forever. Things will change, they will get better and while I won’t promise that they will be better tomorrow, I will say that things will change. Next week, next month, next year…things will be different.
I’m writing this as someone who has attempted suicide and who has thought about it many times in my life. I was in a lot of emotional and mental pain and there did come a point in my life, as a teenager, where I saw it as the only way to end my suffering. I had an abusive step-father, who tried to molest me, and no one would listen. It was the summer before my senior year in high school and I was dreading going back to school because of the endless torment that I would receive all year long from the other kids.And there were many, many other reasons at the time which led me to that point where I saw it as my only way out.
I’m one of those people who is always an over-achiever. I always go above and beyond what is asked of me, I always have to do my absolute best, it’s just who I am. I know where that need to do my the best came from and that’s a discussion for another day, but I bring that up because I want to say that this is one time where I am glad that I failed miserably. Had I succeeded, and had I died, I would not be here to share my journey through life with the people that I have and I wouldn’t have been able to touch the lives that I have so far and I wouldn’t be able to touch the lives of people I’ve yet to meet.
I think of the young man who asked me last year, when I was speaking to a group of young adults “How do you get rid of the anger?” We were talking about people who had hurt us and he was telling me how he would lay awake in bed at night, unable to sleep, thinking about someone from his past who had hurt him so badly and he would find himself lying there just being so very angry. I answered him with another question, “Do you think that person is lying awake thinking of you?” The answer was of course, “No.” Then I told the group that while we never forget our past, we have to remember that it does us no good to dwell on it and stay stuck in it. The people who have wronged us have long since moved on and they are not even giving us a second thought. “So,” I said, “Why allow them to still have that power over you.” That changed their perspective on so many levels. If I had succeeded in my suicide attempt, I would not have been there to have that discussion with that group.
There are so many other people who have crossed my path, and I’d like to believe that I’ve made a positive impact in their lives, that had I succeeded, I would not have been able to touch them. The same goes for others who have contemplated suicide. While you may be struggling with something going on in your life right this moment, you may have the same opportunity down to road to help someone else see things differently and work through the challenges that they are experiencing.
What happens if you do succeed and you die? What about the people who you leave behind…what happens to them? What about the person who finds you? Think about how they will be touched for the rest of their lives. What about the people who love you….think about how they will feel, always wondering if they missed some sign, or if they could have done something differently to prevent you from committing suicide.
Here’s a fact also, that you don’t hear often.When you commit suicide, after you die, it’s not a pretty sight. Your body, after all life stops, will release everything inside you…meaning that all of the bodily fluids and waste inside you will come pouring out. Not a pretty sight now, is it?
If you are going through a rough time right now and you’ve thought about suicide, please pick up the phone right now and call a friend and tell them what is going on in your thoughts. If for some reason you can’t get that friend, call another…or call a hotline. And please talk to someone, talk to them for as long as you have to. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255): Suicide hotline, 24/
And please, remember that this is just a momentary blip in time and yes, I know all too well that it feels enormous right now, and that it feels like it is all consuming, but I promise you that it is not. And, I promise you that if you find that strength inside you (I know that sometimes we don’t feel like we have any), and remember this is temporary, you will get through this. Be strong, do it for yourself. We need you!!!